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Basic Toilet Humor

Toilet humor has traditionally served as the comfort zone for daily publications, and publications remain attentive to significant toilet tales and milestones, especially in relation to football. It was quite amusing to learn that Big Website columnist Adrian Chiles possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs in his house. Spare a thought about the Tykes follower who understood the bathroom somewhat too seriously, and needed rescuing from a deserted Oakwell after falling asleep on the loo at half-time during a 2015 defeat by Fleetwood. “He was barefoot and misplaced his cellphone and his hat,” elaborated a representative from Barnsley fire services. And everyone remembers when, at the height of his fame at Manchester City, Mario Balotelli visited a nearby college to access the restrooms during 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then came in and was asking directions to the restrooms, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” a student told local Manchester media. “Later he simply strolled round the campus acting like the owner.”

The Restroom Quitting

Tuesday marks 25 years from when Kevin Keegan quit as the England coach post a quick discussion inside a lavatory booth together with Football Association official David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, following that infamous 1-0 defeat against Germany in 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the historic stadium. As Davies remembers in his diary, his private Football Association notes, he had entered the sodden beleaguered England dressing room right after the game, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams energized, the two stars urging for the official to reason with Keegan. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a blank expression, and Davies discovered him collapsed – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the dressing room corner, saying quietly: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Collaring Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to salvage the situation.

“Where on earth could we find for a private conversation?” remembered Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Merely one possibility emerged. The lavatory booths. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past occurred in the ancient loos of a venue scheduled for destruction. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I shut the door behind us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I'm unable to energize the team. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Results

Consequently, Keegan quit, later admitting that he had found his stint as England manager “soulless”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I began working with the visually impaired team, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It's an extremely challenging position.” Football in England has advanced considerably during the last 25 years. Regardless of improvement or decline, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers have long disappeared, whereas a German currently occupies in the technical area Keegan previously used. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Real-Time Coverage

Join Luke McLaughlin at 8pm BST for women's football cup news concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Today's Statement

“There we stood in a long row, clad merely in our briefs. We represented Europe's top officials, elite athletes, role models, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with great integrity … but no one said anything. We scarcely made eye contact, our gazes flickered a bit nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with an ice-cold gaze. Quiet and watchful” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures match officials were formerly exposed to by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“What does a name matter? A Dr Seuss verse exists named ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to manage the main squad. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles.

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and awarded some merch, I've opted to write and make a pithy comment. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations in the schoolyard with youngsters he expected would overpower him. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|